The Days of Our Lives

I was speaking to someone recently and she asked me if I was still blogging regularly. She said that she initially thought the project was a little ambitious and had wondered to herself if anyone's life can really be "that interesting." With that in mind, today's post is dedicated to the minutiae of my life (which is apparently what this blog is all about), and you can be the judges of whether or not it's at all interesting!

Monday
J woke at 5 again this morning. We're not sure what's suddenly changed but this new routine is not working out for us at all!  I spoke to my friend K about this yesterday and she told me that she gets her boys up at 6, gives them a bottle and puts them straight back to bed. They then get up somewhere between 7.30 and 9 for breakfast. This sounded pretty good to me so I decided to give it a try. J loved the early bottle but would not go back to sleep. We battled for an hour before he crashed but he was up again by 7.30. He passed out around 10 and missed playgroup so I had to take him out in the afternoon. We went to see the triplets but after the early start and only one nap, J was a very grumpy boy indeed. He was in bed by 6.30 and I wasn't far behind him. I think tomorrow we'll go back to what we were doing; ignoring him till 6.30, or until he started shouting at us to come and get him up.

Tuesday
The day started for us at 3.30am. This did not bode well. J woke up crying and couldn't be consoled. We gave him another bottle, and had flashbacks to the days when we were up at that hour every night. In the end I got into the cot with him, an exercise in bendy gymnastics, and rubbed his back till he finally fell asleep around 5. D got up to him at 7 and I got a sleep in, a rare treat but well earned! Our helper was off today so while J napped this morning I tidied up, baked a cake, vacuumed and still had time for a shower! Definitely feeling like supermum today. We missed playgroup again but went to the playground in Mui Wo, which J just loves. He chased another little boy around and came home filthy and exhausted. I was pretty wrecked too but had to leave the boys at home and head to Discovery Bay for the 2nd half of a CPR/First Aid course I've been doing. I did a proper first aid certification several years ago but I never renewed it. I always thought I'd know what to do in an emergency, but if a child was involved I'd probably end up flapping my arms about shouting "help, help!" This course was invaluable, and the procedures for CPR have been simplified so much since I last took the course, now anyone can do it, and should. My helper also did the course and we both agree it was invaluable. I just pray we never have to use our new skills. I came home and watched my little guy sleeping for a while before heading to bed.

Wednesday
I remember reading somewhere that if a baby is habitually waking every night at the same time you should wake them an hour earlier to reset their body clocks. Well, J woke this morning at 6.30, so even though it wasn't intentional, I think yesterday's early start probably did just that. Today we realised that our little man is officially a walker. He still wobbles quite a bit and crawls when he wants to get somewhere quickly but he's walking all the time. He went from taking a few steps here and there to walking across the room so quickly, it almost happened overnight. We filmed him walking towards me, with the biggest, proudest grin on his face and emailed it to the grandparents. We spent most of the day today organising our upcoming trip to Sydney. We fly out on the 1st and it feels like we still have so much to do. There are so many people we want to catch up with, and so many family members who want to see us. It always feels like we spend our time trying to please everyone and we end up disappointing someone. I'm trying not to let it worry me, but I can't help feeling like it'd be easier just to stay home...

Thursday
Another relatively uneventful day. I have been working on an article for Playtimes magazine, and I finished my first draft today. It still needs a lot of work but I'm very pleased with my efforts, and even more impressed that I finished a draft 6 weeks before the deadline! We took J out shopping today. He's still at an age where a trip to the supermarket and a ride in a shopping trolley counts as an outing. We decided to have some lunch while we were out but it wasn't quite the leisurely seaside meal we used to have once upon a time. J was a bit cranky and restless, he hates sitting still, but once we started feeding him from our plates he was quite content. He played with a drinking straw for about 15 minutes and we ended up having a lovely time. He has started to reject lumps and chunks in his food so we're back to purees this week. At the same time he'll eat anything we're eating. Last night he had spaghetti and tuna off D's plate. I'm not sure he could eat a whole meal of it but we're going to start trying more grown-up food when we're away. D went off to work tonight and he'll be in LA till Sunday night. I had to trim his moustache before he left, it's getting a bit unruly now. He's growing for Movember and has raised quite a bit of money. I don't think he had any idea what he was getting himself into when he drunkenly declared at the rugby that he was going to grow a mo for the month, but I'm very proud of him for following through!

Friday
The little man woke early again today but it meant that he had an early nap, so we finally made it to playgroup. When we got home I spent some time rearranging the furniture in his room, something I've been wanting to do since we moved in. I was sick and had a newborn baby when we moved so everything was done for me. We had a huge wardrobe in J's room and D laid out the furniture differently to how I would've done it. It's always bothered me and this week I was determined to rectify it (while my husband was away and couldn't argue with me). I think it's important that little people have their own space. I hated that we used J's room to store our crap, and I felt like he deserved better. So with our helper by my side, I put things right, and I'm so happy with how the room looks now. By 2pm J and I were both pretty tired so we had an afternoon nap. J's favourite game at the moment is hiding things under the sofa or behind the curtains. He hides something and holds his hands up and makes a sound that we know means "where is it?" Tonight while he was eating his dinner he was repeating 'daddadadadad' over and over, then he stopped, looked at me, held up his hands and said "where is he?" It's only been in the last month or so that J has started to notice that his dad goes away. He gets very excited when Daddy comes home (as do I), and I'm starting to wonder how long it will be before we gets tantrums when Daddy leaves...

Saturday
J slept last night from 7pm-6am, and I took that as a sign that he also loves his new room. We're on our own for the whole weekend so we took the dog for a walk and while J had his morning nap I did the dishes and tidied up. I don't mind being on my own now, and it's definitely manageable, but it does make it harder to achieve anything. We went out to Tung Chung, something I hate doing on the weekend but couldn't avoid. We went to Taste and J was quite happy until we got to the  checkout. Of course there were about a million people in the queue and I had to try a few different tricks to avoid a complete meltdown. In the end I pulled the straw off a juice box and he played with that till we were done. Unfortunately I realised at the checkout that I had had a mummy-brain moment the day before and hadn't noticed. I had been at Park N' Shop on Friday (yes, we do go to the supermarket an awful lot!) and paid with my card to get cash out. Only, they didn't give me my cash and I didn't notice. So after Tung Chung we made a quick trip to Mui Wo where I explained my dilemma and the helpful staff at Park N' Shop corrected their mistake. Thank goodness they were helpful, I don't know how I would've explained to my husband that I left $500 at the supermarket! After that a coffee and a quiet afternoon were in order. I also weighed myself today and the scales (might be broken) showed that I had hit a 10 year low, so I celebrated with pizza and chocolate for dinner.

Sunday
J didn't have the best night's sleep last night so we both woke up at 6am feeling pretty shabby. After breakfast I ran upstairs to get my glasses so we could go out for a walk and "had a fall" on the way back down. It was the kind of fall that knocks the wind out of you and breaks hips in older people, and the only thing that stopped me from bursting into tears was J standing at the bottom of the stairs with a look that was equal parts concern and impatience. I brushed off my bruised ego (and elbow and bum) and we went out. Still feeling pretty rotten I decided that there was only one thing to do when we got home; put on Christmas carols and kick off Pudding Sunday. But that's another story...

Hong Kong - A Survival Guide

Firstly, I have to mention the changes I've made to the appearance of the blog. I spend so much time looking at the page that I was starting to get a little bored. I discovered some fantastic backgrounds and was inspired to make a few changes, it's a bit like getting a new haircut. I hope you like what I've done and I'd love to hear what you think.

Secondly, I've realised that I've been on my soapbox a bit lately, and I'm probably starting to sound like I don't like Hong Kong all that much. It's true, I struggle from time to time, and I'm intensely homesick as Christmas looms but there are a lot of things I love about this place we now call home. I've decided to write a 2 part series on life in HK. Today's post will be a guide to the top 10 things you need as a parent living in this city. Stay tuned for a post later in the week where I'll give my top 10 things I love about HK. For today, the things you need to survive parenthood in Hong Kong:

1. A decent stroller. Most people I know, including us, own two. One for jogging or going for walks close to home, the other for trips out and about. We recently bought a Maclaren Quest: without a doubt THE best purchase we have made for J. It's light, zippy, easy to fold and comfortable. It reclines nicely for sleeping and has a basket for shopping underneath. It's also so small and light that most cab drivers will let you put it in the backseat beside you instead of in the boot (trunk). There are a vast number of similar light-weight strollers available in places like Bumps to Babes, Mothercare, Eugene Club and Toys R' Us, but they are more expensive here than anywhere else. Check out www.maclarenbaby.com/

2. In a similar vein, a good carrier is also a must. Public transport is not all that convenient when you're using a stroller so it's worth investing in a carrier of some kind. We have an Ergo, which J and my husband love, and it can be used until he weighs around 15kgs. I find it a bit hard on my back and prefer a Baby Bjorn style carrier but they're apparently not great for growing spines. Whatever you prefer, a carrier is an essential piece of equipment. www.ergobabycarrier.com/

3. Information: You need to know what to do, where to go, how to find whatever it is you need and who can help you, especially when you're new to HK. There are a few expat websites/forums out there and I have found them invaluable. AsiaXpat is great for buying and selling second-hand goods while GeoBaby is a great source of info on all things pregnancy and baby related. Check out: http://www.hongkong.asiaxpat.com or http://www.geobaby.com. My favourite website for HK specific parenting tips is (as I've mentioned before) Little Steps: www.littlestepshongkong.com/

4. A coffee machine is also a must if you like your caffeine and you're fussy about how it's delivered. There are some great places to get a decent coffee here but they are few and far between. Pacific Coffee shops are everywhere, and while I'd rate them higher than Starbucks, they're not for the true coffee connoisseur. I like Simply Life in IFC (although it does depend on who's working on the day), LGB (various locations), and Habitu (also a few of them around) for coffee out and about. Otherwise we rely on our Nespresso. I've just done some research on whether or not they use Fairtrade coffee and was pretty appalled by what I discovered. If you're interested in being an informed consumer let me know and I'll pass some info on. If you'd rather just drink a great cup of coffee at home every day you won't regret welcoming a coffee machine, Nespresso or otherwise, into your home: This is one appliance that won't end up in the back of the pantry gathering dust.

5. A Domestic Helper. I have mentioned some of the challenges associated with becoming an employer of a domestic helper in previous posts, but ours is really a member of our family for better or worse. She has made life here much easier given the lack of family around us. Being able to hire someone to look after the housework so I can get on with the job of looking after my son is one of the biggest perks of living in HK. 

6. A good quality, well-stocked nappy bag. We have one from gr8x that opens out to a change mat. (http://gr8x.net/) I find it a bit bulky and there isn't much room for carrying the things I need, like a purse, phone etc so I end up carrying two bags. But, it is great on flights and when you're out trying to use those cold, hard change tables in shopping centres. I also have a small bag that has everything in it for short trips. Things that I always carry with me in HK (apart from the usual nappies, wipes, food etc) are a jacket or muslin cloth to cover your little one indoors (HK air-conditioning can be very chilly even in the middle of summer), clips or cords that attach to dummies/soothers and toys so you don't have to keep picking them up off the floor, and antiseptic, no-rinse hand sanitiser. 

7. A great GP or access to a baby clinic. There are vast differences in the quality of healthcare in clinics across HK. Public clinics are generally free and can be fine, but the doctors, in my opinion, tend to overreact and overprescribe. We see a private GP here and most things are 100% covered by our health insurance (except vaccinations unfortunately). She has known J since birth and it is so reassuring knowing that she knows his complete medical history every time we see her. I had a terrifying experience at my one and only trip to a public clinic with J and won't risk it again. Baby clinics are also a great way to keep an eye on your little one's progress, talk to professionals, and meet other mums. A number of medical centres run them on a weekly basis and there's also a clinic, among many other things, at Annerley (http://www.annerley.com.hk/). 

8. Playgroups/playdates: To be honest I'm not sure what it's like for those living on HK island or Kowloon-side but here on Lantau there's really no such thing as taking the kids to the park. There's the beach (if you don't mind dead fish and buffalo poo) and a couple of small play areas, but the only way to allow your little ones to really let off steam is to take them to organised playgroups. I've already mentioned the playgroups we take J to but there are a few other specialised play centres in HK that are worth a mention. Two that have been recommended are Playtown in Pok Fu Lam (www.playtown.com.hk), and Roly Pollies in Causeway Bay (www.rolypollies.com.hk). There are also many others around that offer play time in English and Mandarin if you're keen to encourage bilingualism from a young age. I would love to hear from anyone who knows of other places, especially those closer to South Lantau.

And finally 9 and 10: Patience and a sense of humour. Most people here are polite and some can be really quite helpful. But there are others who will push past you, bumping the stroller to get through an open door before it closes. Some days I feel like people are being deliberately unhelpful and others I feel completely invisible. Accepting these things as part of life in a city that has 7 million people crammed into a relatively small area will help you avoid getting too stressed about it. I also find it helps to leave yourself plenty of time to do anything, especially when you're out with a little one. I'm a huge fan of going out on days when I don't actually need to do anything, when we can just wander around and watch the hustle and bustle, and truly appreciate this fairly unique and fascinating place. 

Hidden Gems and New Discoveries

You've probably gathered by now that I'm not very adventurous. For that reason I can't take any credit for the "new discoveries" of the title. Everything I'm going to mention in this post has been recommended to me by someone else. Having gotten that out of the way, I want to tell you about some fantastic new resources I've learned about recently. Apologies to my non-HK based readers, there's not much in this post for you I'm afraid!

For locals of Lantau island there is a brand new library and municipal building in Tung Chung. The library has a great selection of books in English and a huge children's library on the ground floor. One bonus of signing up for library membership in HK is that your card is valid in all libraries in the city, including those cute little mobile libraries. I'm not generally a fan of libraries. If I love a book I prefer to keep it, so I can read it again and again. I don't like the idea that someone has already turned the pages and I hate giving back great books. But J loves storytime and being able to try different books each week gives us some much-needed variety, and saves loads of money. I highly recommend you join a local library today!

For more info see www.hkpl.gov.hk/eindex.html

Adjoining the new library in Tung Chung is a new municipal building and sports centre. On the 2nd floor, hidden away is a soft-play area. It's a huge room with padded walls and floors, and it's virtually impossible for little ones to hurt themselves running around in there. A great option for an outing. The centre also has rooms for hire and I'm told there are pilates classes now running.  

http://www.gov.hk/mobile/en/wifi/location/address_tcmtrsc.htm

Another great resource I've just heard about is a website called Little Steps (thanks H). It is fairly new and has lots of information for parents on things to do in HK, places to go, and where to shop. It's high on my list of favourites and is top of my bookmarked list.

Check it out at http://littlestepshongkong.com 

This week in the sidebar I've briefly mentioned Mum-trepreneurs: Mum's who run their own businesses at the same time as raising kids and, sometimes, working in full-time jobs as well. These are all women who have found a niche here in HK and are using their business skills or creativity to do something about it. Here are some of my favourites:

Suzanne Goodwin Photography - high quality (and affordable) maternity and family photos, taken by someone who has a great eye and a friendly manner that puts you at ease. It's clear that she loves what she's doing and that shows through in the finished product.

www.suzannegoodwinphotography.com

Bralicious - When the ladies in the lingerie department at Marks and Spencer put me in an A-cup at 6 months pregnant a friend referred me to Nicki at Bralicious. She correctly fitted me (as a D-cup!) and sold me a great selection of maternity bras. She also does regular lingerie, pajamas and shapewear. This week they're having a sale and 5% of every sale will go to the Breast Cancer Foundation.

http://www.bralicious.com.hk

And then there are the two businesses I've listed in the sidebar. Hip Little Bubba is run by Nicole and offers a lovely range of imported clothes, bags and nursery accessories for stylish mums and bubs. Attic Lifestyle is Simone's business on the side, and she sells gorgeous homewares from around the world. They share a space in Aberdeen and both have websites that you can see by clicking on their images. 


Well, I may not be the first to have discovered these resources but hopefully some of you out there are reading about them for the first time here, and can benefit from my sharing them. Have a great week everyone x

Toddler Taming

Tantrums in public... we've all seen them. I used to pity the poor parents trying to wrangle a screaming child out of a shop without getting themselves worked up. I've also seen parents make threats, leave the screaming child in the shop and walk away, and more often than not, give in to the child's demands in an attempt to end the tantrum. There have been times when I've been a bit judgemental and wondered what the parent had done to let things get to that point in the first place. I wondered how much of it was out of the parent's control and how much was the result of bad habits and poor parenting. I'm learning to be less judgemental these days, now that that parent is me.

My little guy is far too young to be considered naughty. He's definitely asserting his independence and testing the boundaries, but he doesn't yet know right from wrong, so when he does have a public meltdown there's generally a good reason for it. Yesterday was the first time he had a proper meltdown, witnessed by others, and my futile attempts to calm him down will ensure I am much more sympathetic towards others in the future. Yesterday morning we were at playgroup and J had been a bit cranky on and off throughout the morning. He has no less than four teeth trying to break through and is clearly uncomfortable, so I don't blame him really. He was playing quite happily with a toy when he suddenly decided he wanted to do something different. He started to make a fuss and I made the mistake of picking him up to take him to a different part of the room. Well, he thrashed about kicking and screaming and smacking me in the face, and I had no idea what to do and just stood there stunned, shushing him. The teacher was so concerned that she stepped in and took him off me, and the change of scene stopped him in his tracks. Suddenly mummy wasn't looking so bad and he reached out for me again. The whole incident lasted less than a minute but it was playing on my mind for quite a while. I realised I need a strategy for future tantrums; less "deer in the headlights" and more "grabbing the bull by the horns," so to speak, so other adults don't feel the need to intervene.

I'm afraid that tantrums will soon become a regular occurance, and that will be entirely my fault. Not because I'm a bad parent but because, thanks to the magic of genetics, J takes after me when it comes to tantrums. He has inherited a combination of looks and personality traits from both of us, some of them good and others less so. He looks like my husband but he has my family's stocky build and muscular legs. Great if you're a boy wanting to play football, but less appealing if you're a girl trying to find a pair of knee high boots to fit over your enormous calves! J has my husband's enthusiasm for life and boundless energy. They both find it impossible to sit down. I'm quite pleased about that, even if it can be exhausting at times. Holidays on tropical islands with my husband generally involve one day of lying on the beach and followed by a week of kayaking, snorkelling, shopping, motorbike riding, hiking etc. In future my husband and son can go off and do those things together while I lie on the beach with a book, it's perfect! Our little guy is a sensitive soul, he's sweet and funny and is quite the chatterbox, but one of the traits, the worst trait, he has inherited from me is a short fuse.

I've always been terribly impatient and when J was born I made a deliberate attempt to control that. I didn't want him to see me getting cross and easily frustrated, and "pick it up." As it turns out the temper gene seems to be in his DNA; he's not imitating his mum, he's been impatient from day one. When I was breastfeeding he'd scream and bite me if the milk didn't come out quick enough! Now, if things don't go his way he snaps, and if he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants it, watch out! Last night when he didn't want to go to bed he let out a scream that sounded an awful lot like "nononononono NO!" I have a feeling we'll be hearing that a lot! He's generally a really happy baby, but he's also what I would call "fiery". This trait has served me well at times, it means I get things done quickly and I know how to stand up for myself, but in a place like Hong Kong it can be a liability. My mum tells me I was a terrible toddler, and she'll probably say that I'm only getting back everything I gave her, so I'm hoping to tap into that when J starts melting down more often. I've realised that's my strategy; there's no one better to tame my toddler than one who knows how to throw a decent tantrum themselves. There are interesting times ahead, stay tuned.

All By Myself

Twice a week our son goes to a playgroup at the local church hall. It’s very informal but they have toys and snacks and a big space for kids to run around in. Occasionally someone comes in and plays a guitar and they sing songs. J is the youngest child by several months but he is at an age where he needs an outing every day, and it’s an easy way to entertain him for a couple of hours. It feels like lazy parenting but he loves it so I don’t feel too bad about it. L goes with him and I get the impression that she relishes the opportunity to spend some time with him on her own. She has three children of her own in the Philippines and she misses them terribly so while she is with us she treats J as if he is one of hers. She always dresses him up and combs his hair (making me feel even lazier when I take him out with breakfast in his hair), and I know she gets a buzz when people comment on what a gorgeous baby he is. I know some mothers who occasionally go to the playgroup but it seems to be an opportunity for the helpers to get together and socialise as well. I left J and L there earlier in the week while I did some shopping and when I finished early I went to the church to check it out. There was a flurry of talk in Tagalog when I walked in and I felt slightly uncomfortable, as I was clearly the subject of the conversation. L assured me later that they were all saying that I was very beautiful and that my son is very lucky to have such attractive parents! I decided that regardless of whether or not that was true I would believe her and leave her to it in the future. Yesterday my brilliant husband suggested that we could take it in turns to drive J and L down to the church and wait for them, so that each of us would have a few hours at home by ourselves one day a week. This is clearly one of the best suggestions he has ever made and I wholeheartedly embraced the idea. Today it was my turn and it was fantastic! I listened to music, proper grown-up music, and I surprised myself by clearing a number of items off my to-do list. I even made the bed, put on some washing and had a shower. I was half way through a cup of tea and an episode of Samantha Who? when they all arrived home. It got me thinking about how I filled my days before J was born. I don’t remember ever being that productive in such a short space of time before I had a baby. Has being a parent made me more efficient? Or is it that I once had the luxury of taking my time? I’m honestly baffled by the thought. I only worked part-time while I was pregnant, some weeks I didn’t work at all. I must’ve watched A LOT of television. When J was a newborn we had a lot of trouble with breastfeeding and he would feed for 2 hours at a time sometimes. Time to myself was never an option. In those early days I would spend half an hour in the shower because it was the only time of the day when no one asked anything of me; no one dared! I relished those moments to myself, even if I had to wait until 4pm or later to get them. These days, even though the demands are different, I am still very busy and I sometimes find myself missing my freedom. There are days when I would like a cup of tea and a sit down, and at other times I find myself wishing I could drop everything and go to New York with my husband for a weekend on one of his work trips. I’d love to get dressed up and go out with the girls and dance all night. I’d like to have friends over for dinner and spend hours creating a fabulous meal instead of ordering a quick pizza. I miss being able to read a book in the middle of the day or make a last minute decision to see a movie. But the truth is I never did any of those things when I had all the time in the world so am I really missing anything? I have to remind myself that I was bored quite often and lonely at times. Now there’s never a dull moment and our house is filled with laughter and toys and cuddles. I appreciate every minute I have to myself because they’re so rare but more than anything I love every day that I spend with my son. The time I spend with him is so much finer than any time I ever spent on the sofa watching TV or reading magazines. It even beats a pedicure and a quiet glass of wine, although once in a while that would be nice too. Whatever you’re doing this weekend, enjoy! I’ll be back on Monday x