Saturday, January 14, 2012

Bump Bliss

I love being pregnant, and it appears that I'm quite good at it. If you leave out the first 13 weeks where I felt like crap and was a hormonal she-devil 24 hours a day that is. For the last 17 weeks I've been feeling great, my hair is thick and shiny, my skin is glowing and the extra weight on my top half beautifully disguises the fact that most of the time I resemble an anaemic pear. It's a complete mystery to me how this has happened, but I also feel more emotionally balanced and in control than when I'm not pregnant (again, ignoring the bad, bad behaviour of the first trimester). The first time around I was huge, and the fluid retention and carpal tunnel syndrome got a little tired towards the end, but apart from a mild case of narcolepsy and an inability to hold an intelligent conversation, I'm 7 weeks from the big day and not yet ready for the end.

Given the defective genetics we have unknowingly passed on to our beautiful boy, and potentially little BITO, we've made the call that this will (with 99% certainty...) be my last pregnancy. I'm trying to focus on the fact that we got off lightly, when you think about all the things that can go wrong when two sets of defective DNA hook up and make babies. But I am genuinely really sad that I won't ever be pregnant again, and today I want to take a moment to mourn. So here's my list of things I will miss about pregnancy, and a few of the things I won't...

I will miss (in no particular order)-
The anticipation of waiting for that little blue line after peeing on a stick, when 2 minutes in the quiet solitude of the bathroom feels like FOREVER.
The look on my husband's face, of pure joy mixed with pride, when I tell him I'm pregnant.
Having an excuse to eat cereal in the middle of the night. Hell, having an excuse to eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
Those first few days after finding out, before the nausea kicks in, when you keep it all to yourself and knowing it's the most precious secret of all.
Pants with elastic waistbands.
All the nice maternity clothes I treated myself to this time around because I was sure there'd be another baby one day.
Seeing and hearing that tiny heartbeat for the first time, and watching the little one go from something resembling a kidney bean, to a really tiny person.
Tiny baby gymnastics, especially those first little flutters, when it hits you that there's actually a person in there.
Baby name debates.
All the kindness and fuss that comes your way when it's apparent you're carrying very precious cargo.
Birth Days - I know it sounds crazy but the day I gave birth to my son was the most exhilarating day of my life, and you have to experience it for yourself to understand how amazing that moment is when you meet your baby for the first time. It's heaven.

Things I won't miss -

The first trimester.
Needing to pee all the time. Especially in the middle of Central, miles from any public toilets...
Suddenly finding myself absolutely starving, and almost fainting when I can't get food quick enough (again, generally happens in the middle of Central).
Compression stockings and varicose veins, eurgh...
Not being able to bend in the middle.
Comments about the size of my cankles.
Sleeping in 2 hour bursts because I need to pee 14 times a night, and the rest of the time I'm just really uncomfortable. I can't wait to sleep on my tummy again!
Clothes that resemble scaffolding, with tummy and boob support, will be happily discarded in a few months time.
Wanting to throw up every time someone washes the dishes or puts deodorant on in the house - everything in our house is now unscented and everyone thinks I'm mad.
Decaf everything.
Having to ask someone else to cut my toenails, again, eurgh...
Feeling like my body belongs to someone else (and someone with very little respect for it at that).

Despite our woes I wouldn't change a single thing. I've loved every minute of being pregnant and watching my baby boy grow, and we still have so much to look forward to with the next one. I just wish it wasn't going so fast. One day I might decide that 25% is a low risk and embrace the 75% chance we'll have a completely healthy, normal-sighted child, but for now we're done and it's farewell bump and all the joy you have brought - it's been bliss.

1 comment:

  1. You make it sounds so wonderful. Makes me look forward to it...more so than I already am...2 or so years in advance.